Friday, January 20, 2006

A self description, the person that lives in my skin.

Hi all. It has been a while since I have written anything here. It seems I have been ill for months, and that combined with the holidays and trying to keep the wolves away from my door, have taken up all my time. But, I hope to be more active now that things are starting to settle down in the new year.

I am not ashamed to admit that I belong to a singles website. It is not the first site I have belonged too but, I suspect it may be my last. I gave up a long time ago on the validity of dating sights as a way to actually meet dating partners. I now belong to a religious site (Catholic) simply because it has great message boards and it's members are all very devout, faith-filled caring people that have been able to teach me a great deal and are an everyday source of emotional support and spiritual growth for me. Regrettably, it also has become very addicting and some days keeps me at my PC when I should be out in the real world trying to make a real life for myself. I also have days when I sacrifice sleep in order to keep up with the boards or to write and post long cathartic exposes about myself. I have found the baring of my soul to the good folk of this site has done me more good and been much cheaper than the many hours of therapy I have submitted myself too.

Recently, someone challenged everyone on the boards to write a short descriptive paragraph about themselves that did not include any descriptive adjective's or have any "I am" statements that would tell more about themselves than the information already in their profiles. Well, I gave it a shot and below is what I came up with. I think it is a fair description of how I see myself. Now whether others agree with it or not is a different matter entirely, and to be completely honest I doubt many will. The bold truth is that there has only been one person on this earth that ever truly knew and understood me. Even with that knowledge he was never quite able to figure out how to properly show his love and support for me in a way that would uplift and enrich me, and now that person is dead, and with him went the only person with whom I was ever totally free to be my true self. Sweetie, I miss you terribly.

Now for that self description.

I see myself as a chameleon made up of tiny bits of Annie Oakley, Margaret Houlihan, and Julia Sugarbaker, with a sprinkling of Harriet Olson, and a whole lot of Jessica Fletcher. If I were a smell I would have to be the scent of lilacs on a summer breeze seconds before a slow rain. If I had to be a sound I would be the clanging of the last bell of the school day. At another time in history this gal would have, without question, donned a prairie bonnet, and walked from Missouri to Montana behind a Conestoga wagon, because she trusted her husband's decisions for their family. If you and I were the sole survivors of a plane crash on a remote mountain top, this gal could amputate your leg with a pocket knife to free you from the wreckage, build a travois and attempt to haul your butt off the mountain in a blizzard, if that was the only option for saving both our lives. For friendship (or love) I would sit beside your hospital bed till the end; drive half way across the state to deliver a spare key, in the middle of the night; or tape record every book in the library. To win a wager I might make the climb to the top of a water tower but it would require being unconscious to get me back down. Mice have me climbing on tables and horror movies keep me awake for days. Overall, I would have to say that I tend to be the last person anyone thinks about, until something goes amiss, then I become the first person everyone wants to find.