I became Alice sliding down an endless rabbit hole

I always walked the tried and true paths and carefully considered every act before following through. I have a life-long habit of struggling to be perfect for everyone in my life; even if it meant losing me in the process. No one worked harder to please others and keep a peaceful balance in all things than I did. I was the straight shooter who talked the talk and could be depended upon to walk the walk. I lived my life on sound principles based on the belief in pure right and wrong, fairness, justice, loyalty, sportsmanship, understanding and right reason.

On the few occasions, in my youth, when I dared to test the waters and strayed from the expected; I ended up being smacked upside the head with the futility of my actions, and quickly gave up considering future misdeeds. Nowhere in my upbringing or subsequent half century of living did impulsive acts ever enter into my consciousness.

One day I became Alice sliding down an endless rabbit hole while bits and pieces of the past and present flew past me in a whirlwind of nonsensical scenes: Grandma Nellie cutting gumdrops for Christmas Cakes while spinning yarns to wide-eyed grandchildren, four laughing cousins sharing secrets on Aunt Ceal’s big iron feather bed hours past their bedtime; while distance sounds of auctioneers chanted “I’ve got fifty, fifty anyone want to make it sixty, fifty-five I got fifty-five in the back row, how about sixty” as numbered fans waved the air; antiseptic smells, somber doctors in lab coats, nurses shoes squeaking on polished floors; men with ghostly pallor lying on satin beds with folded hands beside marble angels.

I awoke one morning and found the world had a bright new hue. Everywhere, scenes and situations shouted at me to seize the day or take time to smell the roses. Clocks loudly ticked off precious minutes I could never recover, train whistles yelled of places that needed to be visited, woodsy trails begged to be explored, and cities became a bullying child demanding that I lay my lunch money in their palm.

Each new day found me wishing for the warmth of a hand in mine as I crossed a street, comfortable companionship and idle conversations over leisurely meals, spooning of bodies on soft flannel. The Internet beckoned, with promises of soul mates and endless love, so I joined the masses seeking to be paired with the prince of my dreams. Instead a lengthy procession of toads, weasels, skunks and sneaky foxes floated across my computer screen with one occasionally escaping the phone lines to take the empty chair at my dining table.

After years of repeated excitement, followed by crushed dreams and a once badly cracked but eventually mended heart, my life settled into gradual routines of acceptance with busy projects and service to others. When least expected, an e-mail showed up in my inbox glowing as if illuminated from within by the beacon from a costal lighthouse; the sender might as well have been wearing orange and lime polyester plaid trousers with a power blue shirt and a propeller beanie for the way he stood out from the crowd and captured my attention. From that first brief contact I knew it would take very little panning to find this stream would soon be mining the mother load and I had to be the one to beat everyone else to staking the claim.

A lifetime of sensible and cautious living disappeared among impromptu plains and impulsive decisions. A first ever plane trip halfway across the country and two very impetuous days spent in this man’s company had me returning home to find myself days later making plans for a return trip and a simple wedding a few short weeks in the future.

Every acquaintance, friend and family member is convinced I have lost my wits in an emotional sea of new love and sexual desire. They all want to stop me from making a hasty mistake. Even so, I will, in just four short days, fly back to join my life with the most wonderful, sensitive, caring, supportive, witty, intelligent, and delightfully adorable soul who think’s that we are, as Forrest Gump would say, “just like peas and carrots.”

The case of the Vanishing Wedding Ring

I live in a very small town, and lately there has been a new very attractive gentleman (appears to be about my age) that I have been seeing around town. I noticed him in the checkout line a few lanes down, sitting in a booth alone at McDonald's when I drove past the window on my way to the drive thru, across the aisle in church...... that kind of thing.

Tonight I am sitting in my favorite diner reading a book and waiting for my dinner when I look up and notice that this man has taken the seat facing me in the booth directly in front of me. I smile at him and go back to reading. All I can see of the guy over the back of my booth is from his mid chest upward.

My food comes and every time I look up he is watching me. I smile, he smiles, I pretend to read. Then we repeat the process. I am a old gal that is very out of practice, but I realize we are flirting with each other. Once I raise my glass of tea and glance at him as I sip, he picks up his glass to take a sip and I notice that he is left handed and there is a gold band on his ring finger.

I hear a loud balloon popping noise, and I go back to reading in earnest. A little later I hear him call the waitress over and ask for another glass of tea and I glance up to see him handing her the glass. And, viola the ring is gone. Just plan not there.

DARN MEN!!!!!!!

I feel as if I am living in a Agatha Christie novel "The case of the Divine Mercy" on Sunday, and "The Case of the Vanishing Wedding Ring" on Wednesday.

Nine Months

I just realized that in the time I have been absent from this site I could have had a baby ( no that will never happen just my reference to nine months)

The thought just blew my mind. Where has the last nine months gone. Everyday I start out with the best of intentions and a list of things I intend to do and the day ends with very few actually completed. I have bills waiting to be paid, letters that need to be written and places to go, things to do and people to see and the list just keeps recycling without completion.

There was a time in my life when the days seems endless and time floated by in boredom. Now, I barely get turned around and the new year is smacking years end in the face. It is as if someone is sneaking behind me and readjusting the clocks for the sole purpose of making me late. I barely get my eyes open and ready to start the day and find the stars are coming out and my list of assigned task is still untouched.

Well dear blog, you are not the only one to be overlooked. My personal journal sits with half the pages empty, the napkins and slips of papers with notes on story ideas have moved from a growing pile on my desk to a shoe box on the floor, and soon will have to relocate to larger quarters once again.

Yes, nine months. What has happened in my life in the last nine months. Well, I have had my house invaded, my life turned up side down, lost my job and become partly retired. On the surface I have so much more free time then ever before and still I can not find time to finish all the things the line up each day. Once. I thought of myself as a very organized person but can not seem to get a grip on the insane mess that has invaded my life and my living space.

Well dear blog, I must go and attend to yet another chore and hopefully I will not wait another nine months to return to my original mission here.

Good night sweet blog. Sleep well.

A self description, the person that lives in my skin.

Hi all. It has been a while since I have written anything here. It seems I have been ill for months, and that combined with the holidays and trying to keep the wolves away from my door, have taken up all my time. But, I hope to be more active now that things are starting to settle down in the new year.

I am not ashamed to admit that I belong to a singles website. It is not the first site I have belonged too but, I suspect it may be my last. I gave up a long time ago on the validity of dating sights as a way to actually meet dating partners. I now belong to a religious site (Catholic) simply because it has great message boards and it's members are all very devout, faith-filled caring people that have been able to teach me a great deal and are an everyday source of emotional support and spiritual growth for me. Regrettably, it also has become very addicting and some days keeps me at my PC when I should be out in the real world trying to make a real life for myself. I also have days when I sacrifice sleep in order to keep up with the boards or to write and post long cathartic exposes about myself. I have found the baring of my soul to the good folk of this site has done me more good and been much cheaper than the many hours of therapy I have submitted myself too.

Recently, someone challenged everyone on the boards to write a short descriptive paragraph about themselves that did not include any descriptive adjective's or have any "I am" statements that would tell more about themselves than the information already in their profiles. Well, I gave it a shot and below is what I came up with. I think it is a fair description of how I see myself. Now whether others agree with it or not is a different matter entirely, and to be completely honest I doubt many will. The bold truth is that there has only been one person on this earth that ever truly knew and understood me. Even with that knowledge he was never quite able to figure out how to properly show his love and support for me in a way that would uplift and enrich me, and now that person is dead, and with him went the only person with whom I was ever totally free to be my true self. Sweetie, I miss you terribly.

Now for that self description.

I see myself as a chameleon made up of tiny bits of Annie Oakley, Margaret Houlihan, and Julia Sugarbaker, with a sprinkling of Harriet Olson, and a whole lot of Jessica Fletcher. If I were a smell I would have to be the scent of lilacs on a summer breeze seconds before a slow rain. If I had to be a sound I would be the clanging of the last bell of the school day. At another time in history this gal would have, without question, donned a prairie bonnet, and walked from Missouri to Montana behind a Conestoga wagon, because she trusted her husband's decisions for their family. If you and I were the sole survivors of a plane crash on a remote mountain top, this gal could amputate your leg with a pocket knife to free you from the wreckage, build a travois and attempt to haul your butt off the mountain in a blizzard, if that was the only option for saving both our lives. For friendship (or love) I would sit beside your hospital bed till the end; drive half way across the state to deliver a spare key, in the middle of the night; or tape record every book in the library. To win a wager I might make the climb to the top of a water tower but it would require being unconscious to get me back down. Mice have me climbing on tables and horror movies keep me awake for days. Overall, I would have to say that I tend to be the last person anyone thinks about, until something goes amiss, then I become the first person everyone wants to find.